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(Newbies testing ground) School

Postby Si'athothi » Tue Apr 11, 2006 6:02 am

Well the closest thing to being a templar without the rightious zeal would to be Shagress heavy infantry or something...
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Postby Menekai » Sat Apr 15, 2006 8:04 am

Peeking into the room, a young Drow makes his way in, taking an empty seat quickly. He takes out a piece of paper with writing on it and begins to change a few things. When he is Finished he looks around, before speaking. "Can anyone help me? I seem to be having some trouble with my character.. Some told me it was fine but I'd still like to give it a final check before submitting it.." He says,

Name: Risyf
Race: Naga
Age: 30 (Appears 24)
Weapons(When Given):
Longbow.
Quiver of Arrows.
Equipment:
1 Brown shirt
1 Pair of gloves
Magic: None (Racial Restriction)
Beginning City: Chel'el'sussoloth
Clan: None. Slave.

Background:
Life moves slowly when you have no control over it. This is all to true for Risyf, who never really had a chance. As a young naga, he lived a blissful life, ignorant to the world’s dangers. His parents were simple Naga's as he would have been, and raised him to be a fierce warrior, and a caring individual. His father trained him to be an archer, skilled in the bow, he excelled in this, while on the side, learned to use his claw's as a backup weapon if needle. After being successful and going well beyond his parents expectations, he began to explore around the outside of the village, despite the warnings of the villagers. At the age of 20, while out for one such expedition, he stumbled upon a Small cavern. Curious and naive, Risyf wandered closer, when a storm struck up. Wet and annoyed, he quickly went inside the cave to escape the pesky rain. While inside, he watched the storm, and animals poking around. Suddenly he felt someone behind him and spun around only to be knocked unconscious by a blunt object connecting with his head.

When Risyf awoke he found his hands bound and his tail chained to the floor. He was in a cage, and it was moving. He brought himself to a sort of upright position leaning against the cold steely bars, and looked around. He was in some sort of Caravan, with numerous cages being pulled by giant lizards. Atop these lizards, all around the cages, and some even in the cages, were dark skinned creatures, with pointed ears and hardened faces. They all wore armor and had weapons of every kind. Inside the cages were creatures of every race. Small, hairy grey skinned creatures, even smaller then they were a few that seemed to be fidgeting, trying to escape from there bonds. This usually earned them some kind of punishment, be it a whack in the head with a pole arm, or a rock being hurled at them. There were medium sized, pale skinned creatures that Risyf knew to be called Humans. Even other naga such as he were in some of the cages. One thing remained the same in all these creatures: they all had absolute terror in there eyes. Confused by all this, he began thrashing in his cage, "Let me out!" He screamed, "Let me out damn you!". The Lizard pulling his cage halted before one of the pointy eared, dark skinned humans grabbed his lance and shoved it through the bars, beating Risyf with the blunt end of the weapon. "Shut up in there! Stupid naga worm!" The guard yelled. Utterly frightened and full of an instinct to survive, Risyf grabbed the pole arm and pulled the person against the bars. Before he could seriously harm the guard though, the cage door flew open and several of the dark skinned folk pulled him out and began beating on him. Confused and afraid, he curled up as much as he could, trying to press out the pain, before blacking out.

He awoke later that day, in a different place. He was still in a cage, but he was on a stand now, and there were many of the dark skinned creatures passing by. A group of them halted in front of his cage and looked at him, some with disgust, some seemed to be thinking carefully while studying this strange creature. Risyf, still terrified grabbed hold of the bars and shook them desperately. "Let me out! Please!" He pleaded with them, but they only gave him confused looks. Did these beings not understand him?! He desperately turned and saw another naga in the cage next to him. He called out to him, and he raised his head, his eyes were devoid of emotion, this was the face of a man who hit rock bottom, then lower. "What is this place? Who are these people?" he asked the older naga. He looked at him, "This is a place of horror. These are the Drow. We are to be sold as slaves to do there will." he answered, before the sound of a cell opening was heard. Risyf turned to see 2 Drow climbing into the cage with a metal collar, and a rope. Before he could even protest his hands were bound and the collar was around his neck. Risyf did not want to be beat again, so he went quietly along with the guards. A young woman was watching them, and the guards turned towards her. They spoke in there exotic language which Risyf couldn't even begin to comprehend. After the woman dropped some coins into the guard’s hands, she quickly grasped the chain connected to the collar on Risyf's neck. Startled, by this, he moved back, afraid of being struck. Instead, she merely gave him a confusing smile, He couldn't tell if it was meant to intimidate or calm him. "Usstan Kestal dos orn l'amith dosst sel dro Naga," she spoke softly. "Whol Ol orn tlu natha verve lu' zolarix uss!" Confused, he tilted his head slightly. Smirking slightly she pulled him along.

As they walked, he looked about and noticed others of varied race's also being pulled, or ordered around. Some cowered away, trying to beg others for help, only to be punished, others worked dutifully, earning no insults, and sometimes even praise from there masters. Risyf suddenly received a hard yank on the chain, as the woman said something to him in her confusing tongue. Confused, he merely stared at her trying to comprehend what she was saying. She suddenly struck him and pointed angrily to a basket. He noticed they had stopped earlier and that there was a man behind the counter they were in front of. He looked impatient as he gestured towards a basket in between himself and the woman who had bought the confused naga. Getting the idea, he reached for the basket, before looking at the woman for approval. She nodded, and he picked it up. She smiled, "Mayoe gaer's kestal whol dos p'luin jal." she said, before tugging lightly on the chain. Risyf slithered up beside her, holding the basket in his arms.

Later, they arrived at a large structure, where immediately upon entering, 2 men came up. Both nodding to the woman, the younger one took the basket from Risyf, while the older looking one took the chain and lead Risyf into another room. Confused at this new place, there were many books, and an odd green board on the wall. Small sticks of white lay on a table beside the board. The man gestured to the books. "These are what you will study to learn our language. What good is a slave if he does not understand orders? Hey?" He said. Surprised, Risyf looked at the man. "I can understand you?" The man chuckled, before speaking again. "I am fluent in a number of languages, including yours. I teach the new slaves Drow so they may understand what they are told." Risyf lowered his head. "So it is true... I am to be a slave..." The man frowned before handing Risyf one of the many books. "Begin reading this, it is a mixture of your native tongue, and our language. Then, when you are done, I want you to recite the entire book in Drow. Not by memory of course. You will be released from this room twice a day. Once to eat and relieve yourself, and another to be taken to your quarters where you and the other slaves will sleep. If you do not study, and are not ready when you are to recite the book, you will be taken back to the slave market, and branded as inadequate. I don't think I need to stress how much more of a hell your life will become if that happens. If your confident, you may try some of the other books. It will further allow you to become more fluent in our language, though this is the bear necessities." With that, the man left, leaving The Naga alone, and frightened, once again.

He spent the next 6 years learning the Drow tongue, and becoming further adept at wielding a bow, and his claws. On the 6th year, his Mistress came to him. Her visits were rare, but usually of no consequence. The results were varieng, as sometimes she would yell at him for inadequately performing his tasks, and others she would give praise for his success. This time she had a grin on her face as she entered his room. He immediately set his Bow to the side and bowed. "Dear, Risyf. You would do anything for your Mistress, would you not?" Confused, he replied, "Yes, Mistress." "Even give your life?" He thought on this for a second. His stay in this dark world had not been particularly dreadful, as being a slave was supposed to be, He was treated like dirt outside the house, but inside the building, he had SOME small level of respect. He was always curious of this though. "Yes?" She smiled. "Risyf, There is a woman who questions my authority. She insults me, threatens me. She wishes us dead, the House, Dead!" She emphasized by raising her arms, gesturing to the entire form of the structure. "She is a wicked woman. And I would like very much to see her suffer. It would make me very happy. You want to make your mistress happy, don't you?" Risyf nodded eagerly. "Then you will kill her champion in the arena."

He was being fitted in a locker room of the arena. He was scared. This was no duel; it was kill or be killed. Despite his skill with the bow, he still had a terrible feeling on this. Suddenly, a gate opened to the left of him, He was given his quiver, his bow, and then shoved out. The gate slammed shut behind him, and he looked around. The ground was covered in sand, filed sand, cleaned to look appealing to the crowd, but Risyf still made out blood stains here and there. There was a great crowd around the circle; he spotted his Mistress staring at him. He then looked to the other side of the field when another gate slammed. His eyes widened in fear. On the other side of the field, was a Minotaur. And it didn't look happy. Immediately sitting Risyf, the beast roared and charged the naga, who fumbled with how bow. Never had his target actually came at him with such a bloodlust. He fired the first arrow and it landed clumsily on the ground. Now visibly panicking, he fired the second arrow, which flew past the Minotaur. A few meters away now, RIsyf fired the third arrow, which lodged itself in the beast’s eye. Roaring in agony, the Minotaur eye was stained crimson as it continued charging. More or less throwing himself at the naga, the Minotaur crushed the bow, but ended up pushing the arrow in further, causing him to twitch uncontrollably. Taking advantage of the Minotaur agony, Risyf Raked his claws across its back, earning a howl. When it spun around, the naga leapt upon it, curling his tail around its neck and arms. Struggling to breathe now, the Minotaur huffed angrily. Risyf sighed and looked away, as he tightened his grip, there was a loud snap, and he fell to the ground. Now he understood why his Mistress and her family and servants had given him such treatment, had allowed a slave such as him to continue improving in weaponry. They made him into a weapon. A Gladiator. And he fought in the arena for 2 more years, his Mistress wisely choosing his battles, and which one's he would participate in. At her request, he also began learning small herbology, in order to create venom with which to coat his arrows. This ever increased his success in battle.

When he turned 28, Risyf's Mistress was assassinated by unknown foes. Many were killed; the slaves were rounded up and brought back to the market, as no owner to own them was alive. He curled himself up in his cage, and went to sleep, awaiting the next master, or mistress.

Description:
Eyes: Green
Hair: A brilliant Violet color, coming to above shoulder length. Kept in fair condition.
Risyf is a rather unique Naga. He is roughly 6'0 when 'standing', and is around 300 LB. His tail is a brilliant emerald color, and his complexion is fare. He would be considered handsome by many if not for the giant appendage where his legs should be.

Time Zone-Activity: Very active. Canadian PST Time zone. GMT -7

"I'm afraid the backround might be a little exessive, and the description to hastily done.. Can anyone help me with this little problem..?" He said, Before sitting back down.
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Postby kembaru » Sat Apr 15, 2006 10:33 am

Red came back in to the classroom, notably however he now wore glasses and walked a little stiffly, it came with managing the archives.

"So far I can say it has room for improvement, but what I can say is we're looking for his personal history, the story of his life, not the story of the last few months of his life which resulted in him coming into the underworld." Says the red haired Archivist.

"For one thing, Nagas in this world setting as far as we know it don't have claws, fingernails just like any normal human yes, claws no."

"I'd personally like to see more detail as to his childhood, what happened int he 20 years prior to his capture, who did he know, what were they like, what was his reputation in the village, why did they tell him not to go outside of the village, in general little tidbits about life, if you were describing your life you would remember your childhood, no? not just the last few months."

"For now expand on that, I'd personally suggest checking out the giant stamp archive thread, those are all the best submissions to date so they're good examples of what Xian is looking for, that and I worked my arse off for that and it would please me greatly to see it put to good use."
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Postby Glyph » Sun Apr 16, 2006 12:57 am

A girl in the back yawns and stretches, then sleepily looks over the most recent offering.

"Remember, there isn't any such thing as a background that is too excessive. If you are thinking that then you obviously haven't looked around at some of the other backgrounds people have submitted. More is better. Description is slight on the light side, but that should be easy enough to fix. Ideally how your character looks should flow easily from your background. One's appearance depends on what has happened to you during your life. Either physically or emotionally."

"In this case i'd recommend you think of how the naga's previous owner dressed him. Even if he isn't a slave anymore one would be hard pressed to buy or steal new clothes, so it's a good chance he is still wearing the clothes he was last given by his previous mistress."

"Details are good. Whenever you get to a difficult spot or can't think of what else to write, pick a event in your background and ask why it happened. Work backwards from it and write out the chain of events that led up to it."
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Postby The Jester of Madness » Sun Apr 16, 2006 8:42 pm

"Hmm.. I think I might just start as a freelance mercenary trying to find a job, and work my way from there. I really don't like to commit to much, and seeing as a mercenary could get hired by almost anybody, that seems the best choice for versitility. Now for another question... for a mercenary warrior, what kinds of teachings would I have? I guess what I'm meaning to ask is that.. being a mercenary, I doubt I'd have a good understanding of mana, right? I'd also have to come up with a reason for being a mercenary, so maybe I'm just a drow looking for some cash, and I like to fight?"

The jester leans back in his chair, then he falls backwards, nearly killing himself in the process.

".... I meant to do that."
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Postby kembaru » Tue Apr 18, 2006 11:27 am

"Mercenary is actually probably one of the best things to play out in the FFRPG, there is always work for them and they make sense on many levels, as well as the fact that they may be quite possibly one of the most flexible positions to be in the underword as they vcan excel anywhere, I say go for it, they're always interesting, though it's not likely that you will be leading any particular ventures, just following the noble characters around and doing their dirty work for them."

The Archivist nods in affirmation of what he had just said, and extents a hand to help the Jester of Madness to his feet.

"In general a mercneary can be anything, just so long as you have an explanation as to how they earned their skills and so on and so forth."
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Hmmm...

Postby Alamandorious » Wed Apr 19, 2006 2:20 am

Hello, I've basically come here directly under the direction of Kite due to a bit of a confusion with stat sheets 'n stuff. I've started drawing up my character, and I thought that before I go too far it'd be good to get some advice 'n stuff from here ^^


Anyway, my character's first name will be the same as my handle, Alamandorious. I'm having a hard time figuring out what to put in as my family name, though, so I could use some help with that.

I'm planning on being a Drowussu male, although I'm stuck between being a Crusador or a Templar...my basic concept is career military, and although I like the concepts put forth in the Crusador info sheet, I'm uncertain weither or not they're full-time. Any answers for this would help.

Also, are Crusadors from noble families or common families?

Once someone is able to answer my questions, I'll have a better idea which way I should steer, and be able to finish a peliminary character sketch for review.

Any help will be very much appreciated ^^
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Postby kembaru » Wed Apr 19, 2006 2:33 am

The Archivist looks up at the newcomer and rubs his eyes.

"First of all, your family name can be anything you want, just so long as it sounds right for the setting, naming a drow 'Ian Maclaggen' would be pretty strange, basically whatever you cant hink of, or none at all, if he's a greyskin then that's all well and good you can just use the clan name as a last name, calling him Alamandorious Val'Kyorl'solenurn will suffice."

"Next off, the crusaders as we know it are more or less a Drowussu militia, not truly a formal army, but in the service of the formal army and their clan's ruler and their generals, they aren't full time, and they're more or less conscripted peasants, although they were conscripted with religion rather than having a matter of no choice."
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Postby Alamandorious » Wed Apr 19, 2006 3:55 am

shapeless form known as Alamandorious nods. Light begins to gather around his textureless mass, starting to take shape.

"Alrighty, so Templar it has to be. Thank you for the help with the name. I'll now post a pilimenary character sketch with a few background details just to see if I'm getting the basics right. Note that this will be more brief than my true character sheet, so as to make the process a bit faster for you (rather than having to read through a whole background, I'll illuminate key points):

Name: Alamandorious Val'Kyorl'solenurn

Race: Drowussu.

Age: 40

Equipment: 4' polished steel longsword with holy runes of blessing inscribed upon the blade in silver. The hilt is black with gold trim naming the blade as 'Daemonslayer'.
Standard Templar fullplate armor polished to near chrome, with the clan symbol etched in platinum upon the chest plate. The only head protection is a matching plated headband with the symbol of Sharess etched in gold upon the forehead plate.
Sturdy white leather hooded cloak with flowing white silk robe, soft white leather gloves and solid black leather boots. Brown cloth belt with four pouches worn over the robe. One pouch contains coin, one pouch crystalized healing potion (add to water), one pouch containing many smoothly polished pebbles, and one pouch a prayer scroll beseeching the Sharess's protection and mercy.
Brown silk carrying bag of medium size, drawn shut with a yellow silk cord. The bag usually contains either his armor or off-duty garb, along with a prayer book and dried rations and a water skin.

Magic: High Art, specialising mainly in air and stone combinations.

Beginning city: Chel'el'sussoloth

Clan: Val'Kyorl'solenurn

Background: (For right now it will be in point form until finalized with the help of the newbie staff ^^)

-Born to a noble sub-house with a long, proud military tradition. Sons all become Templars, Daughters become Wardens (rarely, however, one will slip into other professions in the service of Sharess).

-Cared for by his loving older sister, trained by his father in the ways of combat even while he was attending school. Mother, while loving, was strict and further drilled the religion into him.

-Achieved high marks in classes because of his extra training, excelled in sword fighting and became respectable with magic. Noted as being truly devoted to Sharess, always seen with a prayer scroll his sister purchased for him, always seen reading holy scriptures at least once a day during his off time.

Description:
Hair: White, completely straight going down to his mid-back. Even streeks of silver dye go along with his hair, starting at his hairline and working their way back, each staying no more and no less than an inch apart from each other.
Eyes: Aqua blue, and very expressive.
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 175 lbs
Noticeable traits: Slight angular facial features, Sharess's symbol tatooed in yellow upon his brow...lines up perfectly with the one on his headband.

Time Zone/Activity: EST/Depends on workload, usually at least once per day, often more.

That's what I have worked out so far. I know it needs improvement, especially the background. Aside from needing to know if everything I have so far checks out, what I need to know now is:

What age is 'of age' for males? What age would he graduate from training and truly enter into the service of the Goddess? I plan on starting to rp with him as just having come out of graduation, so the age part is vital.
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Postby Ssin'urn » Wed Apr 19, 2006 4:14 am

The small, pink hared fey shakes her head, before standing up and carrying her seat behind that of the newly formed shape, making her not really bigger than most other inhabitants of the room are sitting. She's staring over his shoulder, reading the character sheet, before nodding slightly, and taking a deep breath.

"First of, there are no Holy Runes of Blessing that would do any difference. They could be there for decoration, but they would have no effect whatsoever. If that is known and okay to you, I shall have said nothing. Same goes for the Prayer Scroll."

She pauses shortly, throwing a glance at the sheet again.

"Second, there's no healing potion in this setting, wether crystalized or not. There are antidotes and such things, but they work the same way they do in that mysterious place called real world. Healing can only be achieved through the natural regeneration of the body, or done by skilled empaths. Then, I would like you to tell me how you fit an entire suit of armor into a bag and carry it around. That's possible in Computer Games, but here, it would be kind of a wonder...or you could have a Berserker carrying it, in a really huge bag, but, being a Kyorl, I somehow doubt that."

"The Magic is rather fine, but you have to notice that one of them he may be good at, the other one rather being a beginner."

"Then, you should be rather carefull about how he got high marks and excelled at Swordfighting. It is fine, as long as you don't overdo it. Character in this FFRPG are generally average characters, nothing special and able to bring down entire groups of attackers without breaking a sweat."

"Now, at the last, your question...Drowussu being educated as Templars or Wardens usually graduate at exactly 40, being the physical equivalent of a 20 year old, instead of 30 how it is with Orthobbae, probably because you don't have much hopes of taking on tainted lunatics or strong Summoners, or Berserkers, while being the physical equivalent of a 15 year old."

The fey nods, satisfied, and beginns carrying her seat back to her table, obviously having a bit trouble with it.
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Postby Khorne » Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:45 am

"Take a look on this"

*Picks up a piece of chalk and starts to write.*

Name: Drocarn’ Vloz’ress

Race: Ver’Drowendar

Age: 42 years old.

Class: Warrior

Equipment:

Weapons: 2-handed sword. The sword looks a little old and is little rusty, but still very sharp. The blade is 140cm long and the sword weights about 25pounds.

Armour: Black Spidersilk hooded cloak, Dark steel breastplate, Black Metal Greaves around his shins and wrists, common shoulder plates, and dark steel gauntlets.

In his Belt pouch he has about 50ada.

Misc.:

Magic: High arts

Beginning city: Chel’El’Sussoloth

Clan: Vel’Vloz’Ress

Background: He was born in one of the lower houses of the Val’Ilhar’dro. The birth had been hard for the mother and she didn’t survive the night. His aunt know had the responsibility for him, and she didn’t like the thought of using the next many years to take care of the child, who had caused her the life of her dear sister, but the Ill’Haress insisted.

The 10 first years of his life his aunt taught him to read, and forced him to learn the history of the clan, but Drocarn hated all the stupid books. Only the fear of being punished made him keep reading. Most of the time his aunt just gave him a book, some time to read it, and then asked a lot of question about the text, and every time he couldn’t answer he yelled at him for long time, but she never touched him. In all the years the aunt took care of Drocarn she never touched him, never hurt him, and suddenly never hugged him. Slowly Drocarn become empty when it came to emotions. He never tried to speak with other Drows on his age, and preferred to be alone, but his aunt didn’t seem to care that Drocarn had become very unsocial.

When he was about 11 years old the clan members started to talk about what they could use him for. The aunt, who had taken care of him all this years, told them that they shouldn’t send him to Othorbbae. She knew that he never would fit in because he really had a problem with books, and couldn’t pay attention when she tried to learn him anything. It would probably only hurt the reputation of the clan. Finally Drocarns older brother said that they could give him a trainer here on the fortress, who could teach Drocarn to become a Battle mage; a warrior who a trained in both magic and melee combat. And he also said that he wouldn’t mind to train Drocarn. The others agreed that this would be the best future for Drocarn.
The next day the older brother, Firath, went to meet with his new student for the first time. He entered Drocarns room and found the boy sitting on the cold floor in a completely darkness. Drocarn liked the darkness, and had for long time ago destroyed all sources of light in his room No one had told him what the high members of the clan had decided to do with him yet, and he looked on Firath with cold eyes, while the older brother told what they had decided. The older brother could easily feel that something was wrong with this child.

Drocarn didn’t mind to become a warrior. In the books his aunt had forced him to read had there been a lot of great tales about strong and highly respected warriors, and Drocarn wouldn’t mind to become one of them.

Few days after, had Firath already started Drocarns physical training. Firath knew that the boy still was very young, but he wanted to start this training early to see if Drocarns had some special talents. But since the boy almost had used the 10 years of his life reading, he was in bad shape, but Firath was glad to see that the boy was extremely stubborn, and didn’t stop his training before he was told to, or he simple collapsed from exhaustion. When Firath had seen how Drocarn could handle physical training, he started to teach the young boy what his duty as a warrior would be. Drocarn was told stuff like “Protect the clan with your lifeâ€
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Postby kembaru » Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:21 am

"'I don't care what I do so long as I have something to kill' is a surefire way to get refused my friend." Says the archivist, peering over his glasses at the fresh hot submission.

"First off a few flaws in the actual worldsettings information, first of all his aunt didn't hit him, didn't touch him, didn't hug him. So what? no one in the underworld will ever get a loving embrace from those who raised them, it just doesn't happen, there is even a worldsettings page cevoted to this fact with a big picture of Quain'tana hugging Syphile and big bold letters say 'IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.'"

"Simply his upbringing was no different from anyone else, who gives a crap? blah-blah-blah. So he took it worse than others, which is fine with me. Now, in the very first paragraph you mention the illharess of the Illhardro clan, whic in itself may be a big nono, simply because at some point in is life he may have met this woman of great prestige, so that's flat out refusal right there, change 'illharess' to 'illhar' Illhar being the head of the subfamily that he is in, so that solves that problem."

"Next problem I see is that he ran away because he killed someone, because it was against the law."

"This makes me laugh, quite simply because we are talking about a society where there are NO LAWS my first character submission revolved around this fact, the only laws are if someone steals from you, you stab them. If someone murders a loved one, you murder them. There are no laws other than those of the jungle. No patrols would have gone out for him because it's survival of the fittest, no patrols or armed guards from the Illhardro, as a clan they could not give a flying rat's arse. Now this boy's family. Now they could have a problem with his death, so they would go out looking for their beloved son/brother/lover whatever the hell he was to them, they would look for his killer, so change that little fact."

"Next you join the Vloz'ress as a mercenary, I'd like to know why you're tainted at this point as it's unneccessary, Kuso in the manga is a mercenary and he is not tainted, to go and taint every mercenary the clan has would just be a waste of the nether summoner's time and effort, he wouldn't have been tainted untill he caught a nether summoner's eye."

"Next, you take up the position of the Nether summoner's bodyguard, quite simply I'd like to ask if you have adopted the creed of the Vloz'ress at this point, you joined up in pursuit of power and all that, I'm just asking if this summoner took you on as her soul seeker guardian, as they tend to have, and this summoner would be no doubt at a shortage of."

"My suggestion, don't taint him right away, and make it so that the nether summoner tainted him when he proved himself worthy and took him on as a personal bodyguard. Put simply it just sounds better and makes a little more sense as to why he is so nuts. Change that and the emphasis from 'I want to kill because it makes me feel manly and I get my rocks off on hacking corpses apart' to 'I shall kill because I can do it, and because it is a path to great power that I aspire to', that little difference could make or break a submission my friend."
kembaru
Walking Contradiction
 
Posts: 1969
Joined: Sat Nov 27, 2004 12:00 pm
Location: Keepin' tuned in.

Postby Alamandorious » Wed Apr 19, 2006 12:17 pm

"Alright, didn't know about the healing, so I'll go in and change that. The runes were for purely decorative reasons, and like the prayer scroll a symbol of his devotion," he says, his voice taking on more deffinition, becoming deep and charismatic.

"Magic sounds good; in order to do what I want, I can work with that and still be within the rules," he nods, a mild breeze whipping around his still-forming body, just enough to cause his newly textured hair to move slightly.

"Hmmm...alright, I suppose it -would- be kinda odd to be carrying around a sack of armor," he chuckles, nodding in agreement with the pink-haired one.

"As for sword play, he was trained extensively...I know he isn't the end-all know-all of it, and I won't be god moding...however, for someone fresh out of 'school', so to speak, he'll be better off than some in this area. I trust that isn't stretching things to far?" Alamandorious asks, a light smile adorning his lips, his aqua eyes filled with gentle mirth.

"Wow...I got the age bang-on despite not having been clear on that. Go me!" he says, before blinking and realizing he broke character,"Whoops...eheh...ignore that."

Alright, 1st revision of the character sheet:

Name: Alamandorious Val'Kyorl'solenurn

Race: Drowussu.

Age: 40

Equipment: 4' polished steel longsword with holy runes of blessing inscribed upon the blade in silver. The hilt is black with gold trim naming the blade as 'Daemonslayer'.

Standard Templar fullplate armor polished to near chrome, with the clan symbol etched in platinum upon the chest plate. The only head protection is a matching plated headband with the symbol of Sharess etched in gold upon the forehead plate.

Sturdy white leather hooded cloak with flowing white silk robe, soft white leather gloves and solid black leather boots. Brown cloth belt with four pouches worn over the robe. One pouch contains coin, one pouch vials of crystalized antidote potions for common poisons (add to water), one pouch containing many smoothly polished pebbles, and one pouch a prayer scroll beseeching the Sharess's protection and mercy.

Brown silk carrying bag of medium size, drawn shut with a yellow silk cord. The bag usually contains his off-duty garb, along with a prayer book and dried rations and a water skin.

Magic: High Art, specialising mainly in air and stone combinations, although much more adept with air than stone.

Beginning city: Chel'el'sussoloth

Clan: Val'Kyorl'solenurn

Background: (First parts that have been cleared will now take full form, next phase will be in point form)

Alamandorious was born to a noble sub-house of the Val'Kyorl'solenurn clan. This house, unlike most, had little use for the political intrigue that plagued most around, devouting itself entirely to the service of the Goddess for generations. All males became templars, righteous warriors of Sharess, while most females became wardens. Some females fell into other professions, but never any outside the service of Sharess.

He was cared for by his older sister, whom was as kind and caring as any guardian should be, always nurturing and teaching him as he grew up in the ways of their house and clan. He was well behaved, in general, and thus recieved little scolding or reprimand; however, when he DID misbehave the punishment he recieved from his sister was as harsh as she was kind...she knew she was doing him a greater kindness by punishing him severely for transgressions, few as they were. In this way he learned discipline, but did not lose his compassion.

His father, a stern and powerful figure, began training him in the art of the sword as soon as he was able to hold his first, teaching him along with his two older brothers, whom were already in training to become Templars. His mother, kind and loving, did have a hand in the lives of her children as well. Although too busy to care for them as a guardian, she did spend an hour each day drilling religion into them, making them learn about the Goddess, their people, and instilling them with the sense of duty that flowed through their house like blood.

When he was of age, he was enrolled into templar training, as eager to begin as his family was for him to succeed. He took to the lessons quickly, absorbing the knowledge provided by his teachers like a sponge, and always eager for more. After a succeeding wonderfully at a particularly hard test, his sister purchased a small prayer scroll for him...an object he keeps with him at all times even to this day.

He excelled at sword play, becoming one of the top students in his class in melee combat. His strength and height allowed him to wield a longsword with great effectiveness, while his build allowed him a measure of nimbleness to help avoid incoming strikes.

His magic, while respectible, was of the more common variety. He focused himself in air and stone...of the two, air was his greatest strength, while stone he was only fair with. However, his level with stone suited his purposes well, and worked well with his mastery of air.

The only area he seemed to have difficulty with was social. Although compassionate and charismatic, his devotion to his religion was almost absolute. In most social situations he was (and still is) like a fish out of water, awkward and especially shy when someone would express a possible interest in him beyond friendship. His kindness was seen by all, but oft times he would be on the receiving end of a joke simply so he would blush and mumble.

-Graduation: Father gives him a longsword specifically forged for this occasion, and his mother pays to have his armor customized to bear the symbol of Sharess upon his breastplate, as well as giving him his plated headband.

Description:
Hair: White, completely straight going down to his mid-back. Even streeks of silver dye go along with his hair, starting at his hairline and working their way back, each staying no more and no less than an inch apart from each other.
Eyes: Aqua blue, and very expressive.
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 175 lbs
Noticeable traits: Slight angular facial features, Sharess's symbol tatooed in yellow upon his brow...lines up perfectly with the one on his headband.

Time Zone/Activity: AST/Depends on workload, usually at least once per day, often more
Alamandorious
Brother-Captain
 
Posts: 299
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 12:17 am
Location: Halifax

Postby Ssin'urn » Wed Apr 19, 2006 7:26 pm

The fey sighs and begins carrying her seat back to the desk where the steadily forming shape is sitting, mumbling something about how it is a pain to lack wings as a fey. As she finally positioned herself behind the shape again, she reads the sheet again, nodding a few times, before looking at the shape.

"Well, that's a whole bit better, already. You are right, you can say he was better than some or most of his age, but you can't say better than all of his age, and you have to be careful, so as not to overdo it. As long as you do that, you should be fine."

"So, now to your revised inventory. You should specify upon the amount of the things you carry. Coin won't be sufficing to specify how much Ada your character owns, exactly. Anyway, you might want to look at my Character Sheet for Arion, my Sarghress character, in the giant stamp archives. I specified what he had exactly, and where it was stored, wether he carried it with him, or stored it in his room. That can help you a great deal to do so."

"Another issue, the antidotes...there goes the same, you have to specify the amount, as well as what poisons they work against. An antidote working against drider poison could not work against that made of some mushrooms commonly found underground, or against snake venom. You have to specify how much, against what, of each."

"Then, you should probably add a personality field. Can be helpful. Aside from that, I can't say there's anything else wrong until now."

Just to be sure, the fey then sits down on her seat without carrying it back, in case she will soon have to review it again.
Ssin'urn
Kilt-wearing Catboy
 
Posts: 1316
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2006 8:37 am
Location: In my bombshelter, playing cards with the ghosts of diseased madmen.

Postby Glyph » Wed Apr 19, 2006 7:30 pm

A girl plotting at her desk looks up to check over the latest submission up for advice. "I suggest you work out a complete background. That is the most important part of any character here and most of the rest comes from what you put in your background. Can't really give you much help without a good amount to work from. Most of the rest, such as equipment and the like, seem fine so far."


Then she looks over into the registration thread and starts to twitch. The girl restrains herself for approxamitely five seconds before jumping up to stand on her desk and wave her arms wildly. "Don't post in the registration thread!" She says loudly. Then she ahems and sits back down. "Sorry, even if it's a special occasion it still shouldn't be anything but character submissions over there."

Then the girl looks at the person who commented at the same time as her and is just before hers. "Actually, Xian has said in the past that he would rather there isn't a personality field. That sort of thing should be obvious from the background itself and not a seperate section."
Glyph
Tainted
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Mon May 09, 2005 10:42 pm
Location: Hiding from all the stuff I should be doing

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