Have Drowtales inspired stories and art? Share it here!

Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Thrair » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:09 pm

Glad that got sorted. So I looked over your two cameo's details in depth (was busy the last several days, soz).

First of all, Amal'thya:
-I don't object at all to pairing with Crossbow Lady. She was a very whimsical cameo in the first place. And *technically* isn't my character, bein' a member of the main cast.

-Solid personality. Lots of negative and lots of positive traits to play up, with an overall demeanor of "Screw you, Sarghs! Me and my new clan are awesome!"

-Lots of possible levers for Kern to use in the plot, especially as she has a more violent and vindictive edge to her. These are traits not many cameos have because they're not especially heroic, but damned if they aren't useful for Kern to show some conflict. Again, characters with strong flaws alongside their strengths are good.

That said, I do have one very big suggestion: Tone down the physical appearance's complexity just a tad. Nothing in that is final until Kern gets around to drawing the concept art. But she is missing an eye, part of an ear, heavily scarred, *and* has an elaboroate tattoo. That is a lot of facial detail, and Kern and Kite will have to draw/shade it. Especially that tattoo; the image reference for it is a very intricate floral pattern.


Secondly, Amir'lorel:
-Empathy is *usually* not allowed in cameos these days, as it is very strong and there was a problem in a much earlier cameo call where too many sponsors wanted their cameos to have it. However, you have Amir selected for the Nid role. Kern's a lot more likely to allow it since he's got few people willing to sponsor the bad guys *and* the Nids are explicitly stronger drow-for-drow than most other clans, as Snad has an eye for talent and has been intentionally recruiting the strong and the unique.

-I like the general personality. Deeply flawed individual, yes. And this is a good thing for a Nid cameo. But he has some positive traits that are good for showing that the Nids are still people, not "lol watch me pick this puppy for the evulz". Nehleanee is like that. Cheerfully a bastard of a Nid, but loves the hell out of her immediate family. And I don't think we've seen a Nid with self-doubt before.

-Appearance-wise, looks solid. Though usually Nids are tainted, Kern hasn't stated that to be a rule. Might ask him directly.

That all said, you need to flesh him out some more. Bein' Mel's lover got shot down, and stripping those elements out of his quirks/personality traits leaves things very bare-bones. The remaining stuff is solid (again, love the general personlity), but the specific quirks and traits need to fleshed out more now that the Mel stuff got axed.
User avatar
Thrair
Demon
 
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:32 pm
Location: My Chair, Washington (Just south of My Computer, Washington)
Clan: Sharen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Ardan Styyx » Fri Nov 09, 2018 10:56 pm

Thank you for the feedback and the tips!

Indeed, for Amal'thya, I think the injuries are just enough. The tattoo on the picture was there as an example but anyway it's a lot of trouble already. Surely an eyepatch, simple, black, will do.

For Amir'lorel, well Kern did not allow him being Octarya and Pelan's father, yet he mentioned he could very well still be around Mel.
So I'd like to keep this part of "impossible love" vivid, as it was originally what made me design this character. Nothing actually need to have happened between them. She could very well have been (and still be) totally oblivious of him. I leave that to Kern's appreciation. But HE saw her, and just couldn't help feeling something real for the very first time in his wasted life.

However, I do agree without the genitor aspects (which kind of came out while I was writing down his details to be honest), he needs to be fleshed up.
As I mentioned in my exchanges with junglefowl, he didn't wait to betray Ash'waren, considering she was losing her way and the clan's in the pointless support of the gross brutish Sargs. Him being an empath and an excellent manipulator, made him an interesting agent for Snad within the clan, stealthier than "the 3 sisters" in many ways. Between pillow talks and poisonous tong, he could efficiently inform the Nids and undermine Ash's grasp on her clan. Therefore, no need for him to be tainted : he is more useful as an insider.
Now, his pathetic weak spot for Mel makes it easy for Snad to keep on using him. And as an expert manipulator himself, he is perfectly aware of it, but is too weak and too desperate to do anything about it (for now). That's the sad fate of traitors: now that everything has collapsed around him, his only life ring left is to follow the people for whom he betrayed his kin, even though he doesn't believe their lies nor he really shares their views.
Maybe this helps fleshing him up. I'll work on additional quirks this week end.

PS: Shall I mail the modifications to Kern, or a full updated version of the Character sheet maybe?
User avatar
Ardan Styyx
Summoner
 
Posts: 209
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2017 1:43 pm
Location: A lost fortress in the Dark Umbra
Clan: Beldrobbaen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Thrair » Sat Nov 10, 2018 1:34 am

Whenver I've made alterations to a cameo shortly after a call (when the cameos/roles are finalized, but Kern has not yet gone over their details in too much depth nor started writing), I've just tallied up the modifications and added a reply to my initial email with the new version.

This means Kern can just ignore the first version and focus on the second, instead of having to look at the first, then tally up all the alterations in his head. Less likely to cause confusion or blurring of the two versions.
User avatar
Thrair
Demon
 
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:32 pm
Location: My Chair, Washington (Just south of My Computer, Washington)
Clan: Sharen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Ardan Styyx » Sat Nov 10, 2018 9:47 am

Roger that. Makes sense.

Here are the updated versions.

Amal'thya
-Chosen role: Purge
-Character former clan : Dutan’vir, former Sargh’ress ot Mae’yukir house
-Martial ability (weapon of choice): Sealing halberd
-Mana ability (Affinity of choice) : Sealer
-Race : Drowussu
-Eye color : Tainted red, one blind
-hair color: White, shaved on one side
-Favorite expression: Side smirk, both seductive and inquisitive.
-Favorite things to say: “Hey cutie, what are you hiding under these fine outfits of yours?”... Grabs her halberd and prepares to seal the nether creature.
-Favorite activity: Combing her hair (the remaining side).
-Quirks , characters flaws and odd behaviors (very important):
* Former Mae’yukir’s house member, she nearly escaped Koil’dorath fate during Sang’s coup.
* Dutan’vir is both her original and new home. She’ll die defending it.
* Feels deeply betrayed by the Sargs
* Proud of her injuries. Thinks they magnify her beauty.
* Loves perfumes (even stale ones). Collect flasks.
* Flirty and tactile
* Always in for a good fight, especially if it involves some of those anti-val Sargs
-Equipements : Old, battered Dutan’vir battle equipment, with newer Sarg’s additions where she has erased the clan’s symbol to replace it by the new Dutan’vir emblem. Huge halberd with sealing stone.
-Paired with: A member of the Dutan’vir domain (male or female. Could be Crossbow Woman; I leave that to your appreciation).
-Physical Appearance: Rather tall and well built for a Ssu, she has a blind eye and a long scar on the side of her face from chin to middle head, caused by the sword blow who nearly killed her. Shaves this side of her head, wears her hair long on the other side.
-Inspiration pictures : https://s1.qwant.com/thumbr/0x380/1/6/0 ... =1&p=0&a=1, https://s1.qwant.com/thumbr/0x380/2/0/a ... =1&p=0&a=1, with the scar and blind eye described above
-The character’s owner name that you wish to see display in the public database: Ardan Styyx

Some additional background elements : Seasoned sealer caught in the middle of Sargh’ress' inner struggles, she’s now part of her rebirthing original clan, determined to get rid of the traitors, the demons, the Nids and every scum within drow society. She willingly volunteered to be part of Anahid’s pack, not for love of the Kyorl’solenurn, but to have a good occasion to kick some asses and seal nether creatures.

Amir'lorel
-Chosen role: Nid
-Character name: Amir’lorel Val Sullissin'run
-Character former clan if any: Sullissin’run
-Martial ability (weapon of choice): Empathy, Highly manipulative disarming seducer’s skills +19
-Mana ability : Empath
-Race : Drowolath
-Eye color :Heterochromia (blue and purple)
-Hair color:White
-Favorite expression: Awesome irresistible smile.
-Favorite things to say: “Oh yes, this night was absolutely fabulous, dear. Unforgetable *kiss on the forehead*. Now on your way before your mate realizes where you are.”
-Favorite activity: Seducing. Both genders.
-Quirks , characters flaws and odd behaviors :
* Loves smuggling intel and gossips, both for fun and money.
* Secretly fell in love with Mel’arnach while she was in custody under the dome.
* Writes (rubbish) poems and songs about her.
* Not a violence fan (it’s too loud and messy). Uses others to do the dirty job when he can.
* A compromising information is better than a poisoned blade (which in turn is infinitely better than being on a muddy battlefield).
* Always perfectly dressed up. Hates stains, dirt, dust and everything that could affect his look.
* High society and luxury. What else??
* Has afterthoughts about his betrayal.
* Starts to loath his own hedonism
-Equipements : Fine clothes, jewelry, perfumes…
-Paired with , if any: No attache (but dreams of Mel…)
-Inspiration pictures, if any , that remind you of the character: https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/war ... 0224043325
-The character’s owner name that you wish to see display in the public database: Ardan Styyx

Some additional background elements : Blasé and decadent Sul Val, his reputation as a lover and his funny shallow behavior allowed him to access many high society members of different clans. First as a pastime, then as a lucrative business, he became a skilled intel smuggler, specialized in tasty gossips and private compromising information. His life could have been an endless succession of hedonistic pleasures and meaningless intrigues if it has not been for the war and the support Ash’waren gave to the Sarghress. His ability, his expertise in manipulation and his contempt for Ash made him a fine recruit for Snad. Through pillow talks and poisonous tong, he’s become an efficient insider agent of destabilization and a stealthy informant.
He fell deeply in love - to his own surprise - when Mel’arnach was brought under the dome. For Amir, the Sarghs are a band of gross uneducated, styleless mercenaries and their former brutish leader (Quain) couldn't see the fine jewel her daughter was. She, on the other side, in addition of being stunning beautiful, had the exoticism of a barbarian princess and a oh-so-romantic melancholy. She made him feel something real and strong for the first time in his wasted life.
This weak spot and the false promises of being part of Mel's life maintain him under Nids’ control. He is aware they lie to him though, and doesn’t share their views, but he is too weak and desperate to do anything about it (for now).
However, his love for Mel and the loath he is starting to feel for having wasted his life and betrayed his kin could make him switch side if a good incitation would appear. Especially, any way to see Snadya'run be discarded would be very welcomed.
User avatar
Ardan Styyx
Summoner
 
Posts: 209
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2017 1:43 pm
Location: A lost fortress in the Dark Umbra
Clan: Beldrobbaen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Dalvyserran » Mon Nov 19, 2018 4:22 pm

suppose I'll put mine here

-Chosen role: Prisoners, Alliance, Netherworlder, nid, purge, Kiel, Sarghress**

Alliance (Imperial guard)

-Character name:

Tehur Vel'Sharen, Zuhur's twin sister and a daughter of Zala'ess

-Character former clan if any:

N/A

-Martial ability (weapon of choice):

Glaive or Spear

-Mana ability (Affinity of choice. Summoning, sealing and golems engineering if chosen will take priority over basic affinity):

Blood Sorcery

-Race :

Ver'drowendar

-Eye color :

Red

-hair color:

Grey, just like Zuhur

-Favorite expression:

She is always smiling mischievously

-Favorite things to say:

"Who cares, let's have fun!"
"Little brother, I'll tell Mother on your if you don't behave!"
"Mother has many enemies outside and within our own clan, but I believe she will always succeed where others fail!"

-Favorite activity:

1) Spying on enemies for the Empress
2) Socializing with beautiful people (uglies need not apply)
3) Keeping herself clean at all times

-Quirks , characters flaws and odd behaviors (very important):

1) Antagonizing her siblings at every opportunity
2) Sympathizes with the Sharen who left the clan to rebel
3) Fears being tainted, but tries to play it cool.

-Equipements , armor and clothes references if any, simple description with chosen colors if not:

Imperial Guard armor, looks similar to Zuhur except has red stones in them like in the picture (they are sealing gems)

-Paired with , if any:

1) Her twin brother, Zuhur

2) Used to be trained by Chigusa to be an Imperial Guard




And also...

-Chosen role: Prisoners, Alliance, Netherworlder, nid, purge, Kiel, Sarghress**

Prisoners

-Character name:

Chigusa Vel'Sharen

-Character former clan if any:

Vel'Sharen

-Martial ability (weapon of choice):

Glaive or swords

-Mana ability (Affinity of choice. Summoning, sealing and golems engineering if chosen will take priority over basic affinity):

Wind Sorcery

-Race :

Ver'drowendar

-Eye color :

Red

-hair color:

Yellow

-Favorite expression:

She has an angry, judgementa, "I'm real tired of your shit" expression now, after being captured.

-Favorite things to say:

"What do you really know of honor and duty, puppet?"
"I just wanted to live my life on the surface, with my love, my boy and my baby girl..."
"There's still time to turn this around! We can fix this!"

-Favorite activity:

1) Encouraging people to push forward, despite all odds
2) talking about life on the surface (and describing how cute her daughter is)
3) Tracking, whether it's animals or people

-Quirks , characters flaws and odd behaviors (very important):

1) Antagonizing the imperial guard, including her old friends Al'tesh and Zuhur
2) Still finds the time to look good, even as a prisoner
3) Is trying to come to terms with being a Ver'drowendar. Maybe it's not so bad after all?

-Equipements , armor and clothes references if any, simple description with chosen colors if not:

Her usual armor, but I'm assuming the Sarghress disarmed her? Otherwise, she'll steal a weapon from the nearest corpse.

-Paired with , if any:

1) She used to fight alongside Al'tesh and Zuhur as an Imperial guard

2) She knows Nata'sinh personally, who is Sorn'mal's sister

User avatar
Dalvyserran
Dragon of the Nether
 
Posts: 4831
Joined: Mon Nov 29, 2010 9:49 pm
Location: You can't make me have fun!
Clan: Beldrobbaen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Ardan Styyx » Sat Nov 24, 2018 7:25 am

Just to say, I am a huge fan of your cameo Chigusa, and her sister (sad we don't have more occasions to see her).
User avatar
Ardan Styyx
Summoner
 
Posts: 209
Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2017 1:43 pm
Location: A lost fortress in the Dark Umbra
Clan: Beldrobbaen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Dalvyserran » Sun Nov 25, 2018 1:13 pm

Why thank you! It has been hard finding a place for Chigusa after her first appearance. Not many spots for Sharen in general, let alone someone who isn't part of the Sarghress flood. I have a big story built around her now, because Chigusa's view on life is evolving with every appearance.

Hopefully she gets to display some more violent Sharen-ness in this next appearance again.
User avatar
Dalvyserran
Dragon of the Nether
 
Posts: 4831
Joined: Mon Nov 29, 2010 9:49 pm
Location: You can't make me have fun!
Clan: Beldrobbaen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Mullet231 » Tue Dec 11, 2018 4:40 am

Welp, I was speaking with one of the folks on discord and for an idea I had for the final cameo call, cause by the time I was fleshing this guy out, it was too late to join this one, I was told to post the WIP of what I got here. NOTE: any references to other cameos were approved of the cameo's owners after brief discussion.

Name: Elkantar (Val’)Sharen
Race: Vel’akar (Former Drowlath, Chelian) Formed from Berserker Seed (Ver’drowendar with Berserker Seed if Vel’akar idea is shot down)
Gender: Male
Age: 181 (as of current arc)
Clan/Faction: Unknown at the moment; former Sharen, Sil’lice’s faction
Eye color: Red (Formerly Blue)
Hair color: White
Details: Incredibly tall and muscular person, can be described as built as a mountain. He has his hair kept in a mullet and stands about 250 cm (8’02”) tall.
Weapon specialty: Unarmed combat (Martial Arts)
Mana affinity: Air (Mostly used to make himself move faster and disarm enemies, but sometimes makes use of it to levitate)/none if Demons don’t use magic
Equipment: From the waist up, he wears no armor save for pauldrons, gauntlets, and a horned helmet. All his armor is dark blue, with icy blue gems in the pauldrons and helmet. Also wears an icy blue cape.
Appearance References: There’s two: First one based off of his original, D&D appearance: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/ ... cdq4fa.png
And another from this giveaway: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/ ... Cowboy.png
Personality: Mostly known for his anger and hatred, especially towards any and all Nid agents. Whenever he is calmed down, he speaks in a grim manner.
Facial Expression: Permanent scowl, rarely cracks a smile
Favorite Sayings: “If you’re that eager to die, then I’ll oblige you. Anytime you’re ready.”
“You smell it? That’s the smell of death!”
Favorite Activities: would play a game of chess when calm
Quirks: -Is always pissed off
- Truly believes that Sil’lice is to be the heir to the throne, no matter what
- Is known to devour mana-filled creatures during his frenzies to help calm himself, specifically dragons
One Sentence: A raging brute set out on a roaring rampage of revenge to avenge his fallen comrades decades ago.
Paired with: no one. (Former mate being Nehle before facing her in combat during the Nidraa’chal War.)

Anyways, I would love to hear feedback, especially anything to fix/improve upon.
User avatar
Mullet231
Tik'tikki
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2018 2:35 am
Clan: Sharen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Thrair » Wed Dec 12, 2018 12:34 am

Very solid concept, especially so for a first iteration.

That said, you could flesh it out just a *little* more. You want to keep it short as a rule, but for general personality two sentences is a little *too* short. 4-5 is a good rule of thumb. He's angry and grim, and the story is lacking in serious-type cameos. But you might add another facet or two. Especially since you've got "Always pissed" as a quirk. So you're shorting yourself a quirk, essentially. A good thing to ask, perhaps as a quirk is *what* kind of anger he has. It it hot or cold anger? Or is it normally a low cold simmer, but with trigger points?

Truly believing Sil'lice to be the heir to the throne is a solid quirk. While it is niche enough that Kern may not be able to draw it on the screen directly (Especially since Sil'lice treats demons as KOS), it's got enough of where his core ideals sit at that it can be shown indirectly (ie, by rejecting other claims to the throne, not tolerating insults to Sil'lice, etc).

Devouring mana-filled creatures, especially dragons... I would shy away from that one. It's not especially tied into his personality and locks it into a combat-filled niche, unable to be shown in other ways. Kern would have to draw him eating something. No other way it can be shown.

So I would flesh out your quirks some more, with a focus on personality traits that stick out from his overall personality. Either double down on a specific part of what you have, or add some traits that provide contrast.

For example, you have him as always angry, and grim when he calms down. A possible idea (not one you have to use, just to get the sort of ideas going) is that he curses when angry, but is coldly polite when calm. His language being directly proportional to his rage. Or you could take the other route, and make it so he gets MORE polite when enraged.
-That sorta thing is something Kern can draw easily. How a character talks, when defined through a quirk, is relatively easy for Kern. He can still write what the character needs to say, but can vary the word choice to change the tone/personality of how they say it.

As for contrast, you show him as rarely cracking a smile.... perhaps make that a quirk. What sort of situations could draw out a smile from him? Maybe he's the type to smile in exactly the *wrong* sort of situation? Maybe when someone he's pissed at is in for it, and he knows it.... he can't help but smile like a shark that's spotted a bare behind?
-This can be worded in a way that doesn't require combat, btw. Such as "Cheerfully spiteful streak".

Or maybe some things legitimately make him smile. Perhaps he tries to be serious, but puns actually promote a "Ok, that was actually pretty good" reaction?

So, yeah. Flesh him out a bit more.
User avatar
Thrair
Demon
 
Posts: 746
Joined: Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:32 pm
Location: My Chair, Washington (Just south of My Computer, Washington)
Clan: Sharen

Re: Cameo Brainstorming, Chapter 55+

Postby Mullet231 » Wed Dec 12, 2018 2:46 am

Thrair wrote:Very solid concept, especially so for a first iteration.

That said, you could flesh it out just a *little* more. You want to keep it short as a rule, but for general personality two sentences is a little *too* short. 4-5 is a good rule of thumb. He's angry and grim, and the story is lacking in serious-type cameos. But you might add another facet or two. Especially since you've got "Always pissed" as a quirk. So you're shorting yourself a quirk, essentially. A good thing to ask, perhaps as a quirk is *what* kind of anger he has. It it hot or cold anger? Or is it normally a low cold simmer, but with trigger points?

Truly believing Sil'lice to be the heir to the throne is a solid quirk. While it is niche enough that Kern may not be able to draw it on the screen directly (Especially since Sil'lice treats demons as KOS), it's got enough of where his core ideals sit at that it can be shown indirectly (ie, by rejecting other claims to the throne, not tolerating insults to Sil'lice, etc).

Devouring mana-filled creatures, especially dragons... I would shy away from that one. It's not especially tied into his personality and locks it into a combat-filled niche, unable to be shown in other ways. Kern would have to draw him eating something. No other way it can be shown.

So I would flesh out your quirks some more, with a focus on personality traits that stick out from his overall personality. Either double down on a specific part of what you have, or add some traits that provide contrast.

For example, you have him as always angry, and grim when he calms down. A possible idea (not one you have to use, just to get the sort of ideas going) is that he curses when angry, but is coldly polite when calm. His language being directly proportional to his rage. Or you could take the other route, and make it so he gets MORE polite when enraged.
-That sorta thing is something Kern can draw easily. How a character talks, when defined through a quirk, is relatively easy for Kern. He can still write what the character needs to say, but can vary the word choice to change the tone/personality of how they say it.

As for contrast, you show him as rarely cracking a smile.... perhaps make that a quirk. What sort of situations could draw out a smile from him? Maybe he's the type to smile in exactly the *wrong* sort of situation? Maybe when someone he's pissed at is in for it, and he knows it.... he can't help but smile like a shark that's spotted a bare behind?
-This can be worded in a way that doesn't require combat, btw. Such as "Cheerfully spiteful streak".

Or maybe some things legitimately make him smile. Perhaps he tries to be serious, but puns actually promote a "Ok, that was actually pretty good" reaction?

So, yeah. Flesh him out a bit more.


Thanks for the reply Thrair. Yeah, truth be told, the Quirks that I initially posted were just thought up on the spot. As for the Personality and Quirks, I decided to update them a bit, so I hope these help, and I made use of your reply to aid in that:

Personality: Mostly known for his anger and hatred, especially towards any and all Nid agents. Whenever he is calmed down, he speaks in a grim manner. Tends to swear uncontrollably when upset, yet when in a calmer state of mind, he is coldly polite to those around him, and tries to watch his swearing around children if he knows they’re around. His anger tends to always be at a low simmer, but gets triggered into volatile rage over the mentioning of the Nids, or if he spots them

Quirks: -He tends to sweat uncontrollably when under heavy amounts of stress, especially if the situation he's in turns on him.
- Truly believes that Sil’lice is to be the heir to the throne, no matter what (Remained unchanged)
- Rarely ever cracks a smile. Times where he does is when he knows he has the upper hand, or if a well thought up pun is told.
- He can barely get over the betrayal of his former mate.

Again, hopefully these are better choices. I ditched the whole eating dragons deal entirely, since I saw that another cameo idea had the whole eating in combat deal going for him.
User avatar
Mullet231
Tik'tikki
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2018 2:35 am
Clan: Sharen

Previous

Return to Fanfics and Fanart

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests