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World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 12)

Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 7)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Sun Jun 21, 2015 5:43 am

Great update! Although I do wonder how he came to banana is that supposed to be part of his gorilla comparison. Also I hope they noob tube the Sargs to death maybe thats why quains so salty she's pissed that so many of her raiders where noob tubed to death by scrubs.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 8)

Postby Pariel » Mon Jun 29, 2015 8:10 am

Chapter 8: Leviathan

Cavern under the Alps

For good or ill the voyage had been uneventful. A regal if somewhat small woman, clad in teal cerimonial armor kept her eyes on the broad back of her mate, while thinking over what had led her to her current predicament. For a brief moment she shook off her thoughts as her mount stopped, a scent catching his interest. The faint sparkling of the mineral ores of the cave was a nice contrast to the gentle, yet earth-scented draft that hit her nose. She was nearing the surface.

Zala’ess, the once proud fifth daughter of the Empress Diva’ratrika bit her lip and looked back over her shoulder at all the fierce Dragon Knights and Summoners who formed up behind their matriarch. Her magnificent brood in all its entirety had been a nightmare to move, but she luckily had Sabrror there to help with the logistics. Leaning forward she gripped the figure of her mate tightly as he spurred their dragon further towards the unknown leaving her to ponder her fate once more.

Zala couldn’t shake the ominous feeling she had from watching her mother become distressed over this mission. Despite the claims of braggarts the Overworld must be dangerous indeed for the wise, harsh and ancient Empress to react in such a manner. But being given this opportunity to redeem herself was the best chance Zala'ess had to finally cleanse her name. Ever had she been in the shadows of her elders, disregarded as frivolous. Beyond that her duplicity in the incident with her eldest sisters and the subsequent double-cross shattered what little standing she had gained from her fine and enormous lineage, even in the eyes of her mother. Regardless of why she was here she would prove them all wrong with this one success. She dreamt of that pleasant thought and its benefits until her reverie was broken by the halt of her dragon.

"Sarghress main surface campaign camp. We're here." A female voice said by her side, accompanied by a canine bark.

Zala'ess looked at her traveling companion, Mel'anarch. Mel was the odd woman out amongst the Val'Sarghress. Which left her in a somewhat similar predicament to Zala'ess's own. Quain'tana had left Mel in Chel as a "liaison", obviously not wanting to take her firstborn daughter on a campaign like this. Not that Mel seemed to mind the job she‘d been stuck with. She was on far better terms and had better manners than her mother when it came to talking to the ruling clan, so her presence was tolerated. However, as a mediator between Quain and the throne, Mel’s performance was lackluster at best. Her own brother, Kel'noz, was much better suited for it. And he was easier on the eye Zala'ess added mentally with a chuckle.

To think that on the shoulders of these two pariahs rested the critical task of convincing Quain'tana the Mercenary Queen to let go of her plunder and return to Chel was laughable at best. In this it was glaringly apparent to Zala that her mother was trying to punish her; or more frighteningly, that the Empress had no one better suited than Mel to offer aid. Zala couldn't tell, nor would she be discouraged. Looking Mel in the eye, she ordered Sabbror to dismount.

Sneers and stares from veteran mercenaries who were impetuous from being lowborn and whose only motto was “might makes right” accompanied both as they crossed the camp together, but neither woman dared to stop them. The soldiers were being awfully polite otherwise, sending the occasional runner to Quain'tana to announce their arrival. Beyond the subdued jeering they were led quickly through the camp and directly to Quain’tana herself without the usual dismissal both Val and eldest daughter had come to expect from the gruff Sarghress Ill’haress. As soon as Zala and Mel entered the tent they knew why.

Quain’tana stood there, tall, proud and as frowning as ever. She was surrounded by her usual retinue of grizzled warriors, save one. The daughter of Suube and Mandroga. Had something happened to Koil’dorath? Zala wondered but was warned by a shake of Mel’s head not to express the concern openly. The mood of the gathering was grim and many of those assembled were doing a poor job of hiding their discomfort. The most fascinating thing was what was in the middle of the circle of soldiers anyway, so Zala‘ess let the unanswered questions fall away.

A single surface female was bound between all these mighty warriors, who aside from possessing rumpled expensive clothes and a bleeding nose looked to be so out of place it was almost laughable. Yet Zala'ess gaped slightly, which prompted an amused look from the otherwise frowning Quain'tana.

"Welcome, lady Val." No one but Quain'tana could make such politeness feel so insulting. "As you can see, we captured someone from their side. Someone important. We are trying to find a someone who can speak her language. Do you know of anybody?" She added in a sarcastic tone. Zala'ess looked at the creature, and so did Mel'anarch. She was so different, though so oddly familiar to both newcomers. Perhaps it was the human’s facial structure, or bearing?

Or her aura. Zala'ess took a step back, looking at Mel'anarch. Quain’s first daughter was a mirror of her own feelings as both stuttered mentally in utter confusion. Glancing back at the captive, she tried to puzzle the riddle together. How could a goblin have an aura? No, more importantly how could an animal have her sister's aura! That was it, the human woman was possessed by Snadhya's aura! Zala'ess's eyes flew wide in terror.

Quain'tana and Suube both raised an eyebrow at Zala'ess panicked reaction, before they were interrupted by a soft chuckling.

"Too soon." The creature said, in perfectly accented drow. "This was too soon. How very thoughtless on my part." she added, as the ropes binding her combusted with mana flames.

Everyone else had drawn their blades and stern stares mixed with surprised faces. "Who are you?" Mandroga said asked, as the woman stood tall and haughty despite her ruined clothes and damaged face. The lady in question ignored him save for a smile and began focusing her mana. "Heh, cutey, do you think you can take all of us head on?" He jeered. A blinding light shone upon them all in answer. Curses and damnations were heard as the warriors staggered for a few seconds, but none managed to connect a hit on the woman, who had deftly sprung out of the death trap.

"Do you think you can run!? You're surrounded!" Mandroga yelled, his anger getting the best of of him. Still smiling, the woman produced a large jewel from her purse.

"No way." Mel'anarch gasped, in shock.

"SUMMONER!" Someone else yelled as the earth around them exploded, and a large, grotesque rocky puppet in the semblance of a dragon erupted around the slightly disheveled woman, shielding her with it’s body. She continued to smile.

"People here now know me as René Nadin. But once, I was known as Snadhya'runes." she finally said, her stare resting upon Quain'tana. Smirk still glittering in her eyes she assumed a combat stance. "Now that presentations are done...would you kindly die and take this secret to your tomb?"
Last edited by Pariel on Mon Jul 20, 2015 7:17 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 8)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Mon Jun 29, 2015 2:09 pm

WHAT A TWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTT
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 8)

Postby Metzger » Mon Jun 29, 2015 8:01 pm

So the Nid coup failed and Snad went for the surface and took a goblin identity? smart move in this world... or did I make a mistake?
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 8)

Postby Pariel » Mon Jun 29, 2015 9:41 pm

Metzger wrote:So the Nid coup failed and Snad went for the surface and took a goblin identity? smart move in this world... or did I make a mistake?


Seems the case, yes. The failed coup was mentioned in ch 2.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 8)

Postby Smokehammer » Tue Jun 30, 2015 4:03 am

Im curious Par, Im not sure if Rene(Snad) is dark skinned or not but how in the 9 hells did Siksi ever pass for a blond Ruskie?

(Cool Fic so far BTW). [I can help with the proof reading if you want, since I have lots of time on my hands and easy access to an English minor, if I get stuck]
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 8)

Postby Pariel » Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:02 am

Smokehammer wrote:Im curious Par, Im not sure if Rene(Snad) is dark skinned or not but how in the 9 hells did Siksi ever pass for a blond Ruskie?

(Cool Fic so far BTW). [I can help with the proof reading if you want, since I have lots of time on my hands and easy access to an English minor, if I get stuck]


She isn't dark skinned. There's a trick to it that will be revealed eventually. Hm... i should add add a mention to her skin tone somewhere.
Cool about the proofread. The chapters who aren't proofread are marked as raw.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 8)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Thu Jul 16, 2015 4:59 am

Miss Nadin being Snadhya raises allot of questions firstly how did she get to the surface before the mass opening of the passage ways, was there a secret small route to the surface? The Nid War couldn't have taken place to long ago so if she escaped to the surface and became a fairly high standing businesswoman how long did she take to reach her level of power with presumably no prier standing in Surface society and how did she evade suspicion regarding her origin as most people will try to find out her background and if every investigation no matter how thorough suggests that she might have well popped out of a hole in the ground a few years ago that will raise allot of alarms.

Secondly why does the ability to disguise Drow as humans exist as even though that would probably not be to hard for the various bio engineers among the Drow it would take time to be developed and there would be no real reason for anyone to develop that procedure before now as the disguise would be of little use as anyone with Mana sight will see through the facade easily and they had no contact with a powerful human polity before now, did that hair horn jaal develop the process?
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby Pariel » Mon Jul 20, 2015 7:16 am

Chapter 9: Red Dawn

Time slowed down to a crawl. Senses were ready to detect the slightest change in one's surroundings. Inside her chest, her heart was threatening to burst out. She looked at each one of her opponents. She had issued an hostile remark and there was no turning back. Snadhya'runes inhaled as the stone mimicry of a dragon crawled around her.

It began with Mandroga, his burly and crude frame speeding towards her with the grace of a hale. If he had been the only opponent this match would already be over. But Snadhya barely had time to react to his mate Suu’be’s stream of flame aimed at her battered face. Simultaneously she also fended off a pincer attack from Sang and her blasted get, Kor’maril. For a massive summon like the dragon, and a summoner with her degree of skill, four opponents were possible to defend against. A fifth however would put her trouble.

Quickly, she accounted for everyone else in the room. Zala’ess was still in shock and Sabbror wasn’t going to leave her side. Mel’anarch wouldn’t attempt to hurt her, as her face was still a mess of conflicting feelings. And Quain'tana …

Quain’tana was just standing there with her arms folded, her eyes set on something; something other than Snadhya.

Cursing under her breath, all alarms rang on the eldest daughter of the Empress, as she barely managed to dodge a skillfully aimed blade thrust at her face. Bleeding from the resulting gash engraved in her cheek Snadhya sneered, “Laele.” from between quenched teeth while stepping back to avoid an untimely demise from the Fallen’s second blade. Turned, but trapped between her summon and the second daughter of Quain’tana, Snadhya had no time to contemplate the severity of the slice left in her arm from the last maneuver. For Laele’all, both mismatched eyes fixated on Snadhya smiled confidently as a searing pain flared down the summoner’s neck and ears. Suu’be had taken advantage of the distraction to set her brunette hair aflame!

The stone dragon, in response to its mistress’s distress and broken concentration dropped its tail for a split second, resulting in two blades being buried deep inside each of Snadhya’s thighs. The blades of Sang and Koil’maril. Laele brought her own blades to bare once more then, aiming for her neck.

It was happening again! Snadhya had grown over confident before. Thinking she could kill a room full of Chel’s finest fighters by herself? She should’ve counted herself lucky if she had been able to escape. Here, her old self would have exploded into a murderous outrage, attempting to attack everything in sight before being put down without much grace. But the failure of the Nidraa’chal had taught her to endure. To survive.

Two arms shot upwards, a mana shield forming in each. Combined they repelled Laele’s decapitation attack and knocked the swords from her hands. Snadhya, visage contorted with pain, grinding her teeth and straining, locked eyes with her main attacker. The stone dragon abruptly stopped moving and left a pile of rock behind upon dismissal as Snadhya’s poured all her mana into the shields.

"SHIT!" Mandroga cursed, as the world exploded around the five attackers. A large mana explosion threw everyone but Laele and Quain'tana off their feet and extinguished Suu’be’s fire. Snadhya caught Quain'tana drawing her blade out of the corner of her eye but Laele’all had found her knives and was relentlessly pressing her. The Fallen stabbed once again at the summoner’s throat but was blocked by the open palm of Snadhya’s left hand.

“DIE ALREADY!”, spat Laele, cursing and eyeing the seemingly invincible “human” before her. It wasn’t hard to forget the creature was nearly a millennia old fae with all the incredible discipline and strength that afforded. Not bothering to retrieve her blade from the other woman’s hand, Quain’s second daughter simply grabbed for another knife and lunged forward for the kill.

Crimson splattered everywhere as the massive jaw of the dragon summon reborn came forth, swallowing Laele'aell whole and crushing her in a split second. Dizzy from blood loss, Snadhya didn’t respond as a large blade broke through the pile of rock behind her descending upon her right arm with extraordinary force, severing it. Snadhya screamed, finally unable to contain her agony as the mighty arm of Quain'tana swung for her once more.

Hatred and rage boiled in the Mercenary Queen’s eyes, replacing her usual stern glare. But the finishing blow upon the hapless summoner was repelled. Quain’s sword bounced instinctually back into guard after meeting a blade of equal thickness.

"I cannot allow you to have her head." Sarv'swati's voice announced.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Mon Jul 20, 2015 9:03 am

DUN DUN DDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Fri Jul 24, 2015 7:49 am

But seriously that scene is nowhere as interesting as the other scenes. You should probably move your story ahead and move on to more interesting things.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby Pariel » Fri Jul 24, 2015 8:30 am

I do apologize for your broken hopes, but only you can write a fic 100% according to your tastes. I cannot write it for you, that would be just silly. This is all there is. I am not getting paid for it, nor I would like to.

I consider your last post rather rude, so I am going to block you right now. I am informing you beforehand so you don't waste time writing comments I won't be reading anymore.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Fri Jul 24, 2015 9:01 am

I was a quite boorish and I am sorry if that offended you that had allot to do with how allot of the time I don't feel like making insightful reviews and I simply put some stuff down that I think would be somewhat humorous and it falls pretty flat, or I try to get the point across in as few words as possible which is quite abrasive and that really isn't the kindest thing to do and comes of as me demanding you to do something and probably should be avoided.

I probably should have mentioned that I was saying that because no one else besides me has commented on this thread in several days and I thought that was something you would want to know if you want other people back on this thread but it is your Story. I have written stuff before most of it wasn't nearly as good as your stuff and I never remember ever being criticized although that was in an environment where being someone actually writing something and contributing was far above the average.

I don't really know why I am posting this you said you would block me so this post should fall on deaf ears and if i really wanted to write something to you I could just PM you(I think you can PM people who have blocked your posts in threads but I don't know for sure.), but I have this overwhelming suspicion that your going to rescind your block at least once to check to see if I posted anything.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby Smokehammer » Sun Aug 09, 2015 7:11 pm

Well there isnt going to be any intrigue in a battle, and we were going to have to have a battle since Snadhya told everyone to go die. I suppose Par could have been more detailed in how the fight went down, but I think he was trying to give us the gist without being too wordy so people wouldnt bitch about it XD Im sorry you dont like written fights Thisguy, but Im pretty sure it would actually be shitty writing if chapter 9 was the single summation of "Snadhya got her ass kicked for biting off more than she could chew and Sarv'swati showed up".

Sometimes brevity is pretty useless. "This is boring, move on" doesnt tell Pariel much and comes off more as an opinion than an actual criticism. You have to back it up with a reason, or as I assumed above we have to guess why you thought that. Was it actually because you dont like swords & sorcery type battles? Is it because its a lead in to another battle and the fight wasnt summed up all in one chapter? Is it because the fight seemed fairly one-sided? Is it because the lead in seems to be setting shit up for Quain getting curb-stomped and you just dont want to read that? Is it my editing sucking and screwing up the pacing of the text? There needs to be more guns? What? Those are rhetorical questions at this point but I hope you understand what I mean.

I also wouldnt worry about replies. Not everything good is popular and even if it is (since the tread does have nearly 5000 hits) people often read things without feeling a need to say anything.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Wed Sep 02, 2015 12:19 am

Smokehammer wrote:Well there isnt going to be any intrigue in a battle, and we were going to have to have a battle since Snadhya told everyone to go die. I suppose Par could have been more detailed in how the fight went down, but I think he was trying to give us the gist without being too wordy so people wouldnt bitch about it XD Im sorry you dont like written fights Thisguy, but Im pretty sure it would actually be shitty writing if chapter 9 was the single summation of "Snadhya got her ass kicked for biting off more than she could chew and Sarv'swati showed up".

Sometimes brevity is pretty useless. "This is boring, move on" doesnt tell Pariel much and comes off more as an opinion than an actual criticism. You have to back it up with a reason, or as I assumed above we have to guess why you thought that. Was it actually because you dont like swords & sorcery type battles? Is it because its a lead in to another battle and the fight wasnt summed up all in one chapter? Is it because the fight seemed fairly one-sided? Is it because the lead in seems to be setting shit up for Quain getting curb-stomped and you just dont want to read that? Is it my editing sucking and screwing up the pacing of the text? There needs to be more guns? What? Those are rhetorical questions at this point but I hope you understand what I mean.

I also wouldnt worry about replies. Not everything good is popular and even if it is (since the tread does have nearly 5000 hits) people often read things without feeling a need to say anything.


Well okay then, most of what you said is something I already knew somewhat but thank you anyway for your advice.
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