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World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 12)

Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Mon Jul 20, 2015 9:03 am

DUN DUN DDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Fri Jul 24, 2015 7:49 am

But seriously that scene is nowhere as interesting as the other scenes. You should probably move your story ahead and move on to more interesting things.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby Pariel » Fri Jul 24, 2015 8:30 am

I do apologize for your broken hopes, but only you can write a fic 100% according to your tastes. I cannot write it for you, that would be just silly. This is all there is. I am not getting paid for it, nor I would like to.

I consider your last post rather rude, so I am going to block you right now. I am informing you beforehand so you don't waste time writing comments I won't be reading anymore.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Fri Jul 24, 2015 9:01 am

I was a quite boorish and I am sorry if that offended you that had allot to do with how allot of the time I don't feel like making insightful reviews and I simply put some stuff down that I think would be somewhat humorous and it falls pretty flat, or I try to get the point across in as few words as possible which is quite abrasive and that really isn't the kindest thing to do and comes of as me demanding you to do something and probably should be avoided.

I probably should have mentioned that I was saying that because no one else besides me has commented on this thread in several days and I thought that was something you would want to know if you want other people back on this thread but it is your Story. I have written stuff before most of it wasn't nearly as good as your stuff and I never remember ever being criticized although that was in an environment where being someone actually writing something and contributing was far above the average.

I don't really know why I am posting this you said you would block me so this post should fall on deaf ears and if i really wanted to write something to you I could just PM you(I think you can PM people who have blocked your posts in threads but I don't know for sure.), but I have this overwhelming suspicion that your going to rescind your block at least once to check to see if I posted anything.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby Smokehammer » Sun Aug 09, 2015 7:11 pm

Well there isnt going to be any intrigue in a battle, and we were going to have to have a battle since Snadhya told everyone to go die. I suppose Par could have been more detailed in how the fight went down, but I think he was trying to give us the gist without being too wordy so people wouldnt bitch about it XD Im sorry you dont like written fights Thisguy, but Im pretty sure it would actually be shitty writing if chapter 9 was the single summation of "Snadhya got her ass kicked for biting off more than she could chew and Sarv'swati showed up".

Sometimes brevity is pretty useless. "This is boring, move on" doesnt tell Pariel much and comes off more as an opinion than an actual criticism. You have to back it up with a reason, or as I assumed above we have to guess why you thought that. Was it actually because you dont like swords & sorcery type battles? Is it because its a lead in to another battle and the fight wasnt summed up all in one chapter? Is it because the fight seemed fairly one-sided? Is it because the lead in seems to be setting shit up for Quain getting curb-stomped and you just dont want to read that? Is it my editing sucking and screwing up the pacing of the text? There needs to be more guns? What? Those are rhetorical questions at this point but I hope you understand what I mean.

I also wouldnt worry about replies. Not everything good is popular and even if it is (since the tread does have nearly 5000 hits) people often read things without feeling a need to say anything.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Wed Sep 02, 2015 12:19 am

Smokehammer wrote:Well there isnt going to be any intrigue in a battle, and we were going to have to have a battle since Snadhya told everyone to go die. I suppose Par could have been more detailed in how the fight went down, but I think he was trying to give us the gist without being too wordy so people wouldnt bitch about it XD Im sorry you dont like written fights Thisguy, but Im pretty sure it would actually be shitty writing if chapter 9 was the single summation of "Snadhya got her ass kicked for biting off more than she could chew and Sarv'swati showed up".

Sometimes brevity is pretty useless. "This is boring, move on" doesnt tell Pariel much and comes off more as an opinion than an actual criticism. You have to back it up with a reason, or as I assumed above we have to guess why you thought that. Was it actually because you dont like swords & sorcery type battles? Is it because its a lead in to another battle and the fight wasnt summed up all in one chapter? Is it because the fight seemed fairly one-sided? Is it because the lead in seems to be setting shit up for Quain getting curb-stomped and you just dont want to read that? Is it my editing sucking and screwing up the pacing of the text? There needs to be more guns? What? Those are rhetorical questions at this point but I hope you understand what I mean.

I also wouldnt worry about replies. Not everything good is popular and even if it is (since the tread does have nearly 5000 hits) people often read things without feeling a need to say anything.


Well okay then, most of what you said is something I already knew somewhat but thank you anyway for your advice.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 9)

Postby Gunbird » Thu Sep 03, 2015 12:02 am

@ ThatGuyThisGuy

Are you saying that there' should be more attention to the humans?
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 10)

Postby Pariel » Fri Sep 04, 2015 10:25 pm

Thanks smokehammer for discussing the pacing.
Also do note that the brackets << >> indicate an untranslated foreign tongue. (Russian in this case).

Chapter 10: Warriors and Soldiers

Gazes met. Jaws clenched. Time seemed to stop. The noise in the room was quelled, allowing some of the outside chaos to seep inside the tent. Tiny explosions in quick successions. Screams. The screams of her proud wolves. Laying on the floor broken, one of the baleful dragons, the one who had played her daughter's love against her. The one who had just slain Laele. Snadhya's heart would be a fitting meal to mourn her passing, however that was not meant to be - for now. For the one that she hated most, the one who had inflicted a wound on her and left her barren was in front of her eyes. Sarv'swati was wearing odd padded armor, pale skin and blonde hair but her voice and characteristic cowlick gave her away.

Quain's expression turned into a smile full of hatred and anger. She could feel it, one of them was going to die today. Snadhya was bleeding on the floor, on her path to a swift death. Her own lieutenants were rising to their feet one by one after being knocked down by the summoner's mana arts. Even that blasted dragon knight of Sabrror had decided to join the fray as well. And only Sarv'swati stood in their path; her earth arts growing a protective shell around her sister. Her head would compensate for all the failures of the surface campaign.

Blade clashed against blade. Her raw power versus Sarv'swati's skill. A repeat of their last duel and yet it wasn't. She had grown in power. She had more allies now and they were all converging their attacks on her opponent. Fire came from Suu'be, a heavy blade from Mandroga, the swiftness of Sang and her son. One by one, the attacks were repelled, but not without a significant amount of increasing effort on her opponent’s part. Sarv’swati was losing ground. Quain's blade descended with all its might. The ornery once dragon gave only a muffled grunt as a gash opened in her arm and her axe flew from her hands. The eyes of the Wolf Queen narrowed. How easy this had been!

"Your blade has dulled." Quain'tana said in a half insulting, half disappointed remark as she leveled her blade against the once most feared Sharen in any battlefield.

"Maybe it has indeed." Sarv'swati grinned in defiance. Even when unarmed and surrounded by blades, she still looked intimidating. “My days as a warrior are lost." Her gaze focused on the mercenary queen, and the Sharen knight respectively. "I was a fool to be caught in the old glory of the past."

"Two dragons in one day." Quain'tana smirked, and Mandroga let out a small chuckle of his own. "Sang, Mandroga, Kor'maril, rally the troops and search for the rest of her rescue team. Suu'be, you and I will deal with this bitch." She paused for a second to make a stern remark as she glared to both Sabrror and Zalaess, "And you dragonspawn, you don't interfere." The sounds of the scuffles had died out outside. That was odd and eerily unnerving, the commoner mercenary thought.

<<"Do It">> The defeated dragon whispered in a strange tongue to her neck, as she quickly spun around, rolled to the ground, and covered her ears. A large blinding detonation blasted the ears of Quain'tana's vanguard, sending all of them tumbling and cursing in pain yet again.

The first to die was Mandroga, his face being shredded by gunfire before he could stand up as a second strangely armored figure pounced through the entrance behind the flash. Another padded and helmeted combatant joined the first, gunning down Sang and Kor’maril before they could react to the fierce attack.

"HEADSHOT! TEN POINTS!" A voice said in a shrill and annoying cheer, though strangely it was in the drow tongue. Dyed purple hair could be seen through the recesses of the speaker’s helmet.

"...no, that voice." Mel'anarch, only partially deafened, was the one to react. "Kalki !? But how?"

Quain'tana roared, her fury and annoyance finally besting her judgment. "YOU ALL WILL DIE! SUU'BE!"

Flames quickly engulfed Sarv'swati. The once champion of the Sharen grunted in pain as she rolled on the ground, trying to douse them. Suu'be smiled in joy as she lunged forward for the killing blow. She would take the pain of losing her daughter out upon the Sharen bitch, but her target reached down to pull something small and rectangular out from beside her hip.

With no margin to react or properly aim, a succession of shots from the Sharen's arm cannon hit the overconfident Sarghress, who fell limp instantly, a large hole in her temple caused by a projectile. Quain'tana for the first time in a long era, was speechless. Her still dazed eyes darted in all directions, her sword flailing threateningly. Luckily she had been missed.

"Bastards. Motherkillers, all of you." The mercenary queen said, readying a battle stance as her senses were restored. There was no shouting. No excessive display of swordmanship. Only the Sargh'ress leader’s eyes, staring at her target, Sarv'swati, who was just now scrambling to her feet while still smoking. The dragon checked her hand cannon but soon discarded it with disrespect.

"Tsk. Empty." The blasted Sharen ventured to say as she drew a knife and adopted a combat stance. Quain'tana's eyes narrowed, she would finish what Suu'be had started. She pressed heavily, with pure, unrelenting hatred and violence guiding her swings. She could feel it in the corners of her mind. Only one would live through this encounter, and she wasn't going to sell her life to Sarv'swati cheap.

She wasn't the only one. Just like Quain'tana, Sabrror fought for his life. His mana shield kept being battered by the projectile weapons, bullets being diverted away from Mel'anarch and Zala'ess.

"Stop doing that so I can kill you!", The figure whom Mel'anarch adressed as Kalki
flailed about, until her weapon stopped firing, now only clicking sounds being made. "Oh damn!" The female goon finally yelped while she floundered with a rectangle in her off hand, as Sabrror's sword went on the offensive only to be cut short by another voice.

"U kil er? I kil er." The male goon said in weirdly accented drow, as his weapon aimed at Zala'ess. "Shame kil u. You stronk fight." The unmistakable sound of a blade dropping to the ground made the goon smile. "Gud."

Sarv’swati’s breath had become ragged and her steps were staggering. She could not keep up with the savage onslaught of someone who’s blade had a far greater reach, one who now seemed more beast than drow, for much longer. When she tripped over the earthen tomb she had encased her sister in Quain’tana knew it was over. But the dragon drew her knife in front of the raging beast, and pressed a button. The blade forcefully ejected from the handle embedded itself through the eye of the charging Wolf Queen.

"The age of warriors is long gone...Quain. It was foolish to challenge this era with the weapons of a past one." Sarv'swati whispered finally, as the body of Quain'tana dropped lifelessly to the ground.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 10)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Sat Sep 05, 2015 12:10 am

Great update, I really like how you did it! Though a few parts where a bit silly like having Snad's goons have MLG accents was just ridiculous.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 10)

Postby Smokehammer » Sat Sep 05, 2015 5:01 pm

What does MLG stand for?
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 10)

Postby Gunbird » Sat Sep 05, 2015 9:45 pm

Smokehammer wrote:What does MLG stand for?


Main landing gear?
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 10)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Sat Sep 05, 2015 11:54 pm

Smokehammer wrote:What does MLG stand for?


What it technically stands for is Major league gaming but its a meme of sort for MLG people to act like this and speak in a slurred way(the use of the words "Stronk" and "Gud" or text book examples.). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZYPOMtttJU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbPStBTouKs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s0AhWRnL6o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRIjnnbGYBw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rosclr8QUqo
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 10)

Postby Gunbird » Sun Sep 06, 2015 2:02 am

ThatGuyThisGuy wrote:
Smokehammer wrote:What does MLG stand for?


What it technically stands for is Major league gaming but its a meme of sort for MLG people to act like this and speak in a slurred way(the use of the words "Stronk" and "Gud" or text book examples.). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZYPOMtttJU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbPStBTouKs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s0AhWRnL6o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRIjnnbGYBw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rosclr8QUqo


I think the "goon"(I'm assuming he is human) was trying to speak drow.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 10)

Postby ThatGuyThisGuy » Sun Sep 06, 2015 2:56 am

Gunbird wrote:
ThatGuyThisGuy wrote:
Smokehammer wrote:What does MLG stand for?


What it technically stands for is Major league gaming but its a meme of sort for MLG people to act like this and speak in a slurred way(the use of the words "Stronk" and "Gud" or text book examples.). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZYPOMtttJU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbPStBTouKs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s0AhWRnL6o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRIjnnbGYBw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rosclr8QUqo


I think the "goon"(I'm assuming he is human) was trying to speak drow.


Maybe so but it came off like that to me.
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Re: World at War, an Earth Age fic (Ch 10)

Postby Smokehammer » Mon Sep 07, 2015 4:16 am

Im pretty sure the other goon is Kalinin and I wouldnt put it past him to purposefully screw up his drow to come off like one of those MLG geeks for shits & giggles. *wee*

I cant wait for the wicked interplay that should come up between him and Kalki regardless. If blood loss doesnt get Snad the puns, insanity and plane full of vodka surely will.
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