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All is fair. - My first fan fiction.

Postby Ultharos » Wed Sep 11, 2002 8:48 am

Disclaimer: Drowtales worldsetting = not mine. Any recognizable characters that have appeared in the comic aren’t mine, I’m just “borrowingâ€
Behold the eternal glory of the Fountain Dragon and let his radiance blind you into submission, oh ye of little faith.
~From the book of the FD.
Chapter 1: Deitification of the FD.
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Postby Kern » Wed Sep 11, 2002 12:44 pm

Like i said over icq...that a very..unique storyline. Oiriginal
You being very dsecriptive on her relationship.
nice way to write without dialog, progress well.
Good to see a relation to another story :)

My 2 critic are the same
1-I feel nothing for the no-name characther unfortunatly.
2-The left-to-your-imagination ending cut too short. I think it should stop when Mel open the door. As for if the girl die or not. Who know, Mel is a priestess.....
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Postby Scilence » Wed Sep 11, 2002 2:39 pm

Personbaly, this one drew me in, couldn't stop reading.

As for Kern's thought as to resurection, This is Drow sociaty. Kill to get farther. Who really is going to take the time to make a resurection faith spell?

Kudos, Ultharos.
Stories never end, the just begin anew. Still hurts when you die though.
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Postby Kern » Wed Sep 11, 2002 2:44 pm

Why people assume things so quickly
i never spoke of ressurection
if Mel come in time, she can cure her  *sweatdrop*

she cured Ariel in chapter 3....



Edited By Kern on Sep. 11 2002 at 10:47
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Postby Scilence » Wed Sep 11, 2002 2:56 pm

Sorry. Thought it was being implyed.
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Postby AnnieFelis » Thu Sep 12, 2002 3:27 am

I will admit, I just didn't enjoy this story.  While you are highly descriptive, being descriptive about a lesbian love affair isn't necissarily a good thing.  I didn't want to read details about sex, and most people actually don't.  Implying is much better.

Also, you wrote in present tense...that is something that very rarely works, and then only in poetry.  Past tense is the preferred means of telling a story, most writers and readers will tell you this.  You also have congegation and grammatical errors all through the story....for instance, it's "spends" instead of "spend".  There are places where two statements are smooshed together in one sentence, even though they could become two seperated sentences.  Either that, or they could be joined together with a bit of re-phrasing with commas or perhaps even a semicolon.  

Sorry to rip your story apart, but I read/write a lot, and I'm just trying to be honest.  Not bad for a start, but be warned: people don't all dig the sex-related stories.  I for one don't.
Do or do not. There is no "try".
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Postby AnnieFelis » Thu Sep 12, 2002 3:38 am

Once again I REPEAT, just because I did not like the subject/content of your story doesn't inhibit my ability to critique it.  Please do not take it the wrong way.  Kern did, and now he's angry at me for being honest.  >_<
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Postby Kizzip38 » Thu Sep 12, 2002 10:57 pm

Ok, not to be mean or anything. I've read books that are in first person and are better than any third person books that I have ever read. Also, you were warned that it had these things in it, then why did you read it if you did not like these stories, and Ultharos knows what people like (I think) and this is what his story is about, so that is what it is. You were warned, so please do not make comments about how you did not like it because of things that he specifically mentioned before the story started.

Ultharos, you could use a little more character development, and it was a little confusing so maybe you can design a background of the story, or maybe that was your intent. Either way, I have to agree with Kern, I didn't feel for the unnamed one. Rating out of five stars: 4.5
jump... and fall...

end the torture and leave
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Postby AnnieFelis » Fri Sep 13, 2002 3:02 am

I read it because Kern threw the link to the post at me and said "read this and critique it please".  That's why.  I had no idea what the subject would be.
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Postby Tammy-chan » Sun Sep 15, 2002 8:28 am

Very descriptive. I thought it was very tragic and sad. And I do believe she has died.
The ending is very ironical and a good ending I think.
Your very good at conveying their emotions and thoughts and how their relation was (very intimate).

Excellent story. Like Kern said a very unique storyline.
~~Tammy-chan... Where the world is one big cute place.
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Postby Kern » Mon Sep 16, 2002 2:53 pm

Annie: I gave you the link and asked you to read the WINTER story , so don't try to say i told you to read this one.
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Postby Ultharos » Mon Sep 16, 2002 7:26 pm

Please please, no bad fibes and all that.

Each and every one has a right to feel about it the story as they wish, however please keep in mind to always first to read the Author's note with my stories as they might contain warnings if I feel those are neccessary.


If I did not make you feel for the nameless woman, then I consider it a pity, but it will motivate me to try harder at future stories like this.
If you did feel for her wonderfull than it makes me feel good, both in that I gave people a story they enjoyed, but also in knowing that i am not the only one who enjoys stroies like this.  :p
But in the end it ofcourse comes down to personall tastes. Soem people like stories like these, other's don't. :p

And yes the nameless woman did die. While I made it not entirely clear in the story, the warning does give it away. Suicde, instead of attempted suicide.

I consider clear warnings very important.

In the end I just hope that (pompous as it may sound.) that others who read my stories will also write and send in Fan fiction stories about Drowtales or Drow related stories.

Ultharos.
Behold the eternal glory of the Fountain Dragon and let his radiance blind you into submission, oh ye of little faith.
~From the book of the FD.
Chapter 1: Deitification of the FD.
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Postby birdboy2000 » Mon Sep 16, 2002 9:55 pm

I would write drowtales fanfic, but everything I write is originally a crossover, or becomess one, and most things that would be good with a drowtales crossover are disliked by Kern.
~Supporting the Ariel/Faen coupling since early 2003~
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Postby Marina » Sat Oct 05, 2002 1:08 am

Okay, we all know Mel admits she doesn't like males, right?
So...her being involved with a another female is not
a humongous shock.
  Now if ...and mind you if she were involved with a female
while being "busy" with Zhor, yes this situation just might
have happened.
  Given that the social  developement is a lot more exotic than ours...(normal,even) Mel is not a survivor of a
family that most of us could handle
           consider that and most of us would have to step back...Mel has been through a lot more then we realize
  Applying our standards here is not going to work...this is a far different society and culture
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